A Fail In Glendale

Last weekend, the LA clouds wept for my departure. Under sobbing skies, I passed through Glendale in an attempt to check off yet another burrito on the LAist top 10 BB's at Taqueria El Tapatio. I arrived a little before 9:30am, and, due to my lack of investigation, was greeted by locked doors. One does not eat the best breakfast burrito until 10am, so I waited.

When the gates opened, I was the first to order.

"I'm sorry, but we just opened. Do you mind waiting 15 minutes while we get everything ready?"

"Not a problem. I'll take the breakfast burrito and one of the cheese tacos." (yelp reviews raved about the tacos, too)

Cash only, so I happily gave the lady my last $6 in cash. I sat down and was given some chips and salsa to chomp on while I waited. Chips were hot and fresh out of fryer with decent cups of two different types of salsa that I may have had a hard time discerning if I were blindfolded.

A man down on his luck was sweeping the outdoor dining area and blasting "All She Wants To Do Is Dance" while all I wanted to do was eat. The sweet 80's bangers swirled around my head for the better part of an hour before I lost hope.

The vibe was all wrong. All of the patrons were restless, including myself. I could not imagine the best breakfast burrito in Glendale slipping out of that window, so I told them to keep the money for the chips and drink.

Maybe it was the sadness of leaving LA, the overcast day, or the grumpiness associated with a man of my stature not eating, but I had to leave. A quick search brought me to another well reviewed establishment only to be greeted by yet another "Cash Only" sign.

You win, Glendale, but I shall return - WITH CASH!

The Burrito Life

Perhaps it is like the effervescent steam wafting above sizzling carne asada on a flattop or, maybe, more akin to the dissipating fog clearing slow from the asphalt. The morning mist joins mourning lovers of cold nights greeted by a sun too confident in its promise of safety and light dreaming up lofty visions for future burritos yet to be had.

A rose will bloom, it then will fade, but not my passion for tortilla-swaddled food.

In my absence I have learned many things about myself. I have discovered unprecedented skills in procrastination. A debilitating fear of success and failure ever-present in my day to day life. The experience of eating a burrito in a hovel far surpasses any words I may write about it, but that does not diminish the importance of the attempt.

In 2014 I consumed hundreds, literally multiples of 100 burritos. I traveled up and down California with a brief jaunt into Arizona tracking the best burritos the West Coast had to offer. I spoke with proprietors of establishments dating back to the early 20th century. I was leveled by nostalgia in a rundown taco shop. I was interviewed on a burrito excursion for radio. I was featured in the local paper with a front page mention and a full page spread. And then I documented it all and shared it with you.

And you read it!

Thank you. Sincerely, thank you for everything. For suggestions, for recommendations, for reading and sharing with your friends and family. I appreciate it more than you know.

So I guess I'm writing to say that I will be updating this again. I hope the posts are informative, but I also want them to be more personal. Some of my favorite posts from the last year are a good mix of culinary critique, op-ed ranting, and pure unadulterated confession.

If you are still around, enjoy.

El Dollar Taqueria - Wasco, CA

At least once a week I drive down 7th Standard/Merle Haggard Highway on my way into town from visiting the oilfields, and I pass the same taco truck seemingly stranded on the side of the road. More often than not, by the time I pass by I am full of empanadas from El Sol De Guadalajara bakery, but it was time to find out how they were single-handedly holding down this stretch of highway.

I pull up among a group of white work trucks, so it seems one lady alone is providing a service to the field and factory workers operating close by. Birria, Lengua, Cabeza, Carnitas, and chicken were all available to be done up into tacos, burritos, or tortas, but I chose to play it safe and conservative with an Asada burrito.

Looking down into my bite mark I can see a veritable Mexican cornucopia spilling out. Deep red chiles and dark green cilantro accent blackened steak while a solid supporting cast of rice, beans, and onions fill out the lightly toasted tortilla. My only complaint lies in the cut and quality of steak I received. More than a couple bites were met with chewy gristle which can take even the most devout right out of the joy in great tasting food. 

Either way, I am undeterred. The promise written in the tastes contained within this burrito ensure I shall return to sample the other offerings. Especially after seeing the ever-elusive birria on menu. 

Be sure to ask for a side of hot sauce. The red adds a good heat with even more flavor. 

El Sitio - Ventura, CA

Nuzzled in snugly to Django's Coffee House in Ventura, CA is a small, unassuming delight. My guide on this adventure raves about the al pastor, so we decide to split a burrito and load up on salsas. 

Being our third burrito of the day, one may question the voracity of our appetites, but rest-assured the allure of marinated pork swaddled in a thick chewy tortilla can coax a growl out of the fullest of stomachs. 

Succulent and tender bits of pork were buried deep in a fiery spectrum of rice, beans, and spices. A welcome counterpoint to the airy cuts of shark and substantial chunks of steak. Lesser spots may try to skirt by on the same pork used for the carnitas only to dress up the differences between al pastor and chile verde as the sauce one uses, but this pork had the char of slow braising after being massaged with spices to differentiate from such imposters.

The salsas were fresh and effective, but I fancied the orange habanero most for its complexity and heat.

By far the most out of the way spot located in a quiet neighborhood in the more suburban part of Ventura, but well worth a stop to round out the day. 

Three more remain as we prepare for the return of Chris the Sound Guy and his episode showcasing the burrito adventure in its full splendor. 

Surf N Taco - Ventura, CA

I went to Santa Paula and Ventura to hit some of the spots you guys had recommended as well as record an episode for my friend's local radio show: Chris the Sound Guy here in Bakersfield. It will be airing this Thursday @ 5pm, and the entire one hour episode documents our burrito adventure down in Ventucky. I will be posting a link to the podcast once it goes live.

One of FIVE stops on our coastal excursion is Surf N' Taco located on Baja Bay in the marina. Ocean air seasons the meal with lapping waves and sail boats visible from the parking lot. Halibut and shrimp options worried my underdeveloped sea palette, but when I read "Shark" the decision was made.

My shark burrito arrived in an with freshly fried chips in an ocean blue cardboard tray. The cross-section cut revealed a gorgeous shark filet surrounded by rice, beans, cheese, and cabbage with a verde salsa on the side in a cup. The bite was tender and flaky with a clean finish. No disturbing sea funk contaminating the flavors.

This was a welcome respite from the heavier contenders of the day allowing my waistline to breathe a little bit before resuming the fray.

The chips and salsa were forgettable leaving Chris no other option but Tapatio for spiciness.

Not every day do I get to eat Jaws or consume the meal equivalent of shark week, so I definitely recommend Surf & Taco to lovers of seafood. 

Some behind the scenes information for those wondering. Yes, we ate 5 burritos, but 4 of those were cut in half for a couple of reasons. One, we didn't want to get so stuffed as to not be able to give proper reviews, and two, cutting the burrito in half allows for pretty pictures. The day of reviews was spread out over about 8 hours. I suggest using some form of this technique if you wish to emulate a burrito adventure.

Tinga - Los Angeles, CA

Sometimes a place gets me on a personal level. The style and delivery at Tinga on La Brea in LA fits right into my aesthetic. From the taco and burrito inspired art of Brett Westfall plastered over the walls, including some great murals in the bathrooms, to the southeast Asian meets southwest American inspired cuisine. If I were to tell someone how I want a restaurant to look, this would probably be it.

I ordered the chicken tinga burrito and short rib tacos to split with D. Of course, I threw in a few cold lagers to wash everything down. The shredded chicken swims in a chipotle sauce which reminds me of a peanut curry with black beans, gaucamole, lettuce, chipotle salsa, montery jack, and crema creating a wonderfully rich bite all piled into what appears to be a scratch-made tortilla. Every bite made me wonder why there isn't more Mexican/Indian fusion in the world. Channa samosa chimichangas for days.

 The braised short rib tacos were less than stellar with the beef slightly under-seasoned although fall apart tender, and the fluffy rustic handmade tortilla ripping underneath the weight of all the fixings. I may not have minded so much if the taco tortilla added flavor or texture, but it was spongy in the wrong ways and overall bland. Kind of surprising due to the emphasis on tacos in the Tinga menu. The ingredients were a bit tryhard here with ginger and shitake marinade, pickled red cabbage, salsa verde, papas bravas (rough-cut roasted potatoes), queso fresco, and crema. Interesting flavor combinations to be sure, but they lack cohesiveness. It felt like culinary shock and awe leaving my pallet with PTSD. 

Great service, a nice selection of seasonal light beers, and a window painting of a taco cowboy riding a unicorn elevated the entire experience to a whole new level. A lot can be said for the relaxed atmosphere and sense of humor at Tinga. I hope to explore more of their menu with the conchita pibil and lamb adobo at the top of my hit list. 

I know you wanted to see it. 

El Azteca - San Diego, CA

I have been doing a lot of traveling up and down California seeking the best of the best in burritos which leaves me with a ton of great content I will be supplying over the next few weeks.

Recently, my travels brought me to sunny San Diego in hopes the proximity to the border would lend itself to quality Mexican food aplenty. A bit of research and luck later brought me to El Azteca in La Mesa.

Unassuming hole in the strip mall that it is seemingly promises nothing new, but D and I pushed through and ordered THE breakfast burrito.

A trend in SD I began noticing was a lack of options. I have grown accustomed to ordering a burrito while specifying the meat, but on more than just a few occasions the burrito on offer was the only one of its kind. An approach I prefer because I know I am being served what they are confident in making, and it eliminates the extraneous costs of keeping a multitude of meats on the ready.

What arrived was simple enough: potatoes, scrambled eggs, melted cheese, and cubed ham accompanied by a red bottle of house hot sauce, but after one bite everything had changed. This simple arrangement of perfectly prepared breakfast staples lifts above the fray staring down with judgement on all lesser breakfast abominations. What magic is this? Why is this so tongue-numbingly good?

First, the ham takes you by surprise. Not many places opt for the ham as the go to breakfast burrito meat filler, and if they do, too often it is the stuff of bargain basement deli counters. This is different. Sweet and salty play against the full-bodied potatoes. The cheesy scramble spreads evenly throughout leaving nothing untouched by the mainline injection of hell yeah, so every bite left me proclaiming the possibility of a heaven and pondering the burrito I may find there.

I was halfway through before it occurred to me to touch the salsa bottle, but I'm glad I did. A comforting heat rose up through sweet tang of the red, and I began to squeeze it over every bite.

One burrito alone made the trip worth it, but, luckily for me, there were so many more magical experiences I can't wait to share. Some of the best burritos I have ever had. Until then enjoy a sexy close up.