Lucky Boy Drive-In

There's a soft spot in my heart for Pasadena. It feels like a greener, more metropolitan version of my town while maintaining a minimum of traffic and insincerity seemingly more common to other parts of Los Angeles.

Dat Bacon!

Lucky Boy Drive-In closes at 2am with only 4 hours of downtime before starting back up with their amazing breakfast burritos. These breakfast behemoths are packed with delicious thick cuts of dark brown crispy bacon, and the whole sausage links create a structural integrity not unlike rebar. Hash browns, cheddar cheese, and fluffy eggs assembled like the cook might have made this burrito a million times leaves only the cups of fresh spicy salsa to pour on at your discretion.

There was no way I could finish the burrito, but not for lack of trying. The only disappointment was in myself. Why can I not get all of this in my stomach?

It was so good I went back the next afternoon for a pastrami sandwich. Not for any other reason than I love a good pastrami, and I'm on a constant search for one to beat my all-time favorite here back in Bakersfield. I'm happy to report they don't only make amazing breakfast burritos because this was on point.

Lucky Boy is one in a long line of traditional diners. It can be greasy. It is definitely not healthy, but these flavors and techniques are the backbone of American comfort food.

Chips & Salsa

There's nothing sadder than a cook who thinks he's a chef.

When I sat down to order the Giant Burrito with steak I did not expect the cook to put on a show with the garnish. Two (steamed? boiled?) whole green onions were curled up like a crime scene on top with some sort of red onion minced concoction piled beside it. The acrid smell wafting up from the burrito smelled not unlike a gym bag soaked in bath water.

Lesser reviewers may have given up right here, but I pushed the accoutrements aside to delve in to what looks like, by the inside, a meal with promise.

The steak is perhaps a bit over-cooked and the rice is under-seasoned, but the over-all combination is decent. The onions have impregnated the tortilla, thus my hands, with their stench, but I persevere heaping on the salsa and trying to lose myself inside the burrito where the smell has yet to reach.

Dispersing the ingredients evenly is not one of their strong suits as I am frequently met with gobs of sour cream and bushels of lettuce chiffonade.

The beer is cold and the waitress has a nice smile, but I can't get beyond those damn green onions. Did you lose your sense of smell in a grease fire?

One final note, the chips were of the red and yellow variety and the salsa was more akin to a bland soup. For a place that took the name "Chips & Salsa" one would think they may try and shine in that area. Maybe the time they devote to stewing onions for the garnish they could learn how to fry up some tortillas and make more than one salsa for dipping, but I digress.

At least there's beer. If you drink enough of it, you can probably ignore their shortcomings.

Doctor Strangebreakfast: or how I learned to stop worrying and love poverty

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"Write Now Wednesdays" is the day I take time to explain facets of Burrito Life or expand opinions touched upon in previous articles. This week we begin a series by guest writer Devon Ashby.

So in my early twenties, like most people, I went through a financial trial-by-fire period of not really being able to feed myself properly.

In my particular case, this was due to the trifecta of being unemployed, not wanting to live at home anymore, and not having very good sense about how to manage my money. My roommate and I were mentally and financially coordinated enough never to lack for toilet paper, Diet Coke, cigarettes, or cheap, gut-poisoning liquor products, but a majority of the hot meals we consumed came from the $5 pizza restaurant next to our Laundromat, or out of a box with a big orange 99 cent sticker on it.

Aside from the perennial stand-bys of ramen noodles and pasta, three ingredients were always present in our otherwise threadbare kitchen, and those three staples transformed what could have been a purgatory of darkness, self-doubt, and chronic stomachaches into a magical period of gustatory self-discovery. Those three ingredients were: fresh tortillas, chorizo, and eggs.

Prior to moving out of my parents’ house, I’m pretty sure I was at least introduced to the concept of breakfast burritos. Tragically, however, I have no specific early memories of my experiences with this fateful staple of my transitional adulthood. With aforementioned budgetary constraints mapping out an entirely new grocery template, though, I knew I would have to start getting creative, or resign myself indefinitely to a menu of empty carbohydrates, tinfoil seasoning packets, and processed cheeses. Tortillas and eggs seemed like a no-brainer since they’re two of the cheapest foods you can buy, and with the bulk of the work established, the rest of my grocery list fell rapidly into step. Breakfast burritos became a three-or-four-nights-a-week tradition.

To be continued...

Los Altos

Finding a good burrito within walking distance of the house is like finding a twenty on the ground, so when I found Los Altos on Chester and 2nd I didn't expect them to deliver like they did.

I began with their chorizo breakfast burrito which is a little odd for me because I tend to go with plain breakfast sausage for my first go around, but ham, bacon, and chorizo were the only options.

I tend to shy away from chorizo due to many experiences with burnt brown chorizo bits sopped in bright red grease. Chorizo doesn't change colors like most meats when cooked through, but will change colors when burned. The amount of cooks who either don't know this or choose not to care is baffling.

With this knowledge I interrogated the lady a bit on the quality of their chorizo, and she said confidently it was good but the cook chimed in "it's great" with a tone in his voice like I challenged him to a duel.

It was on. He took his time cooking every ingredient fresh, and the smells coming form the open kitchen were promising, if not intoxicating.

My eyes widened with the first chomp. Everything is in its place. The eggs are cooked down to the little eggy crumbles, but the huge kicker is the chorizo. No grease. No wet tortilla. No shiny hands. Perfect bright red bits mixed into the burrito without being burnt and carrying flavors rare to the world of chorizo BBs.

Around $5 and just as many blocks from my place I found something special. Thank you, Los Altos, for teaching the world the beauty of well-prepared chorizo so close to my house, and now close to my heart.

Rubio's Fresh Mexican Grill

FAFU FRIDAY!!!

Every Friday I review a chain restaurant to incorporate more of the readership into all of the burrito fun. 

Rubio's hails from San Diego, but has setup all along the western United States hocking "fresh mex" ranging from fish tacos to gourmet burritos. 

"Fresh mex" or "new wave Mexican" is an insipid movement particularly common in the US combining traditional Mexican with ingredients reserved usually for haute cuisine. Cilantro infusions, avocado soups, and tomato reductions are applied to accentuate different flavors hidden in simple dishes. 

Of course, Rubio's is still a casual dining experience more akin to fast food than the French Laundry, but the core principles still define what separates this restaurant from your average walk-up. 

I opted for the Burrito Especial with steak and swapped the citrus-rice for more traditional orange party rice. Romaine lettuce, whole black beans, salsa fresca, guacamole, chipotle sauce, and red tomato salsa are also crammed into this burrito making me think one thing: you're trying too hard. 

Don't get me wrong, burrito, you taste fine, but your insecurities are showing with how much you tug my taste buds every which way. There is so much going on it all kind of blends together into one androgynous tongue-numbing thump. No heat. No spice. Just a cacophony of flavors banging loudly all at once. 

Luckily, their salsa bar is mighty, stocked with pickled carrots and jalapenos, four different salsas, golden state peppers, and lemons which allowed me to heat up and contextualize separate sections of my flavor experience. 

Not to sound like a Luddite, but I tend to get lost in less-traditional, high-cuisine burritos that seek to improve upon solid classics. I know my burrito was assembled by a teenager, but they are still approaching the equation wrong by adding chipotle sauces and citrus rices to round out my burrito rather than trusting the steak and salsa to do their jobs. 

Other places have succeeded in bringing something truly unique which elevates burrito culture like the Kogi trucks or expands the definition like Oki-Dogs, but sometimes it can all be too much and nothing is gained, 

...and quick side note: What the hell was up with the side of black pepper bean soup? I had beans in my burrito, and yet you felt the need to give me an entire cup as a side. Thanks?

Oki-Dog on Pico Blvd.

What happens when the people of Okinawa create their own hot dog recipe? Well, they put two inside a tortilla along with some pastrami and fill the damn thing with chili, of course. 

The heart-attack inducing monstrosity known as the Oki-Dog is a very filling, very polarizing food thing.

There are two Oki-Dog’s in LA. The one under review today is the Pico location which some say is less authentic or at least less shady. Fairfax will get its day in the sun, soon. 

This particular spot has a main island where all cash is paid and food is made servicing both the small inside seating area and the outside walk-up. 

I took a bite and felt like I’d spun the chamber of the gastrointestinal gun loaded with a single diarrhea bullet, but the taste was actually not bad. Think Wienerschnitzel with better ingredients. The chili is of the Cincinnati ilk, and I was surprised by how much I liked the tortilla flavor and dry, almost crispy, texture. 

It didn’t feel healthy. It didn’t look nice, but for around $6 I was happy. No intestinal disturbances, only smiles and a full stomach. 

Fairfax, here I come.

Los Cuñados

If there ain't a spit, their al pastor ain't shit.

Alright, good.

My buddy, Hector, tells me there's a spot on Chester near Ming in Bakersfield that sells out constantly, and they are only open for dinner and the drunks. Sounds exactly like the spot I need to get my burrito fix.

Los Cuñados is parked in front of one of those shady rent-to-own outfits in a bedraggled asphalt lot with pot holes and evil on display. The bright halogen lights and neon signs act as a beacon in the night, ferrying wayward souls towards burrito salvation.

For most of my life, I have never been excited by al pastor. I thought of it as a funky carnitas substitute because I didn't know, nor had I had, better. Then D took me to Tacos Leo in Los Angeles, and the whole world of Middle-East meets Southwest opened up for me.

Al pastor directly translates to "shepherd-style" referring to the shawarma technique brought over by Lebanese immigrants. Shawarma involves spit-grilling meats and slicing off the outer-layers to fill your vessel of choice.

The guys manning the truck hooked it up fat with a super tasty burrito. There is a good amount of chilis and spices used on the meat, but not over-powering like I'm chewing on a chili mango sucker. I heavily employed both the red and green salsas not for lack of flavor but because both are so good. Other fixings like lemons, carrots, onions, and radishes are also available.

I'm not sure I needed another reason to drink then eat burritos, but I'll take it. If you are looking for authentic al pastor in Bakersfield, you'd be hard-pressed to find a better spot.

Love You Like A Burrito by The Doubleclicks

My friend nicbuxom showed me this great song about burritos by The Doubleclicks.

Secret Spot

Behind a gas station in a strip mall on the waterfront in Huntington Beach is a vegan beach bum heaven known as Secret Spot. "Kind Grub" is on the sign, and the atmosphere is artsy with paintings for sale all over the small dining room walls. 

There are at least 5 different breakfast burritos offering a variety of vegetables and meat substitutes. I chose the #4 which has potatoes, avocado, eggs, cheese, salsa, and soyrizo for my meat (black forest ham and vegi turkey are also available). I'm a big fan of soyrizo, and if I ever take the vegi plunge, soyrizo will become a mainstay in my diet. 

Perhaps it was the salty air or the sleepyheaded cook and cashier, but the first word that came to mind upon biting was "dank." This burrito is filled to capacity with big chunks of avocado adding a mellow counterpoint to the big spices of the soyrizo. 

The potatoes gave a much appreciated boost to the body of the burrito complemented yet again by the hearty avocados. 

No compromises are made in flavor due to the lack of meat, and I imagine most people would find it hard distinguishing good soyrizo from chorizo. 

Minor gripe to the burrito coming out to almost $9, and the chips and soupy salsa tasting like despair. One of the most expensive breakfast burritos I've ever had because eating "cruelty-free" gets expensive. 

They have less expensive basic breakfast burritos, but the more complex flavors are what separates and elevates Secret Spot to a worthy stop next time I'm having a day at the beach. 

Sky's Tacos

Let me begin by stating I am not what you would call a seafood fan. I grew up on catfish and shrimp, I dabble in sushi, and I’ve had some truly orgasmic moments with dungeness crab, but for me to walk into a restaurant and roll the dice with fish is a rare experience indeed. 

I would have to go to a place that appreciates the beauty of a catfish. Somewhere they can impart love to a lobster tail because they understand its frigid nature. 

I would have to go to Sky’s Tacos on Pico in Los Angeles. 

I decided to give the lobster burrito and steak taco a try. For Sky’s to meet my criteria I had to pay for an additional tortilla to make the burrito wrap-able. See, Sky’s serves an “open-face” burrito which is akin to a really large taco. 

From the beginning, this burrito is unlike any other. 2, now 3, seasoned flour tortillas with a red hue, lettuce, cilantro, sour cream, tomato, cheese, and sassy sauce all come out to play.

The taste is explosive due in part to the tortillas, but the superstar in this lineup is definitely the sassy sauce. It is Mexico meets Louisiana. 

My only gripe is possibly what first draws people in: lobster. Shrimps and lobsters do not excite my taste buds. They bring little, if any flavor after wrapping themselves in the culinary camouflage of their surroundings, so to pay almost twice as much for a lobster burrito ($11.49) as opposed to the steak ($6.49) seems unnecessary if not abusive. 

Especially because the steak taco I had was so tender and tasty. A bullseye center chopped into corn tortillas with all the fixings of the burrito sans the sour cream for $3 may be expensive for the taco truck connoisseur, but one doesn’t come to Sky’s Tacos for standard truck fare. 

Overall, I love the flavors and atmosphere of Sky’s Tacos. Bold tastes and an exciting menu have me itching to go back to dive deeper. 

To Bean or Not To Bean

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"Write Now Wednesdays" is the day I take time to explain facets of Burrito Life or expand opinions touched upon in previous articles. 

The magical fruit often comes in one of two pinto varieties when met on the burrito plane: refried or ranch. Each serve their own purpose accompanying a burrito. From flavors and textures to more expedient causes like binding and structural integrity. 

"Refried beans" is actually a misnomer since beans are often only fried once, mashed, and then sometimes baked rather than double-fried. Due to the mashed consistency, flavor depth rarely passes the first dimension solidifying refried beans as a sidekick to other more complex ingredients. 

Often used as a base in burrito fillings, the beans cement every other ingredient into place preventing uneven bites. The added benefits of refried beans are the insulation to hold in heat and the way the wetness of the beans tenderizes heartier ingredients. 

A tastier, and frequently healthier option available upon request at most restaurants are ranch-style beans or "pot beans." Pot beans are soaked, boiled with spices, then generous amounts of cilantro and/or pico de gallo can be added before serving. The range of flavor is near unlimited.  

Textures, tastes, and fragrances become more dynamic and complex when pot beans are in play. This leaves a lot of room for experimentation allowing cooks to introduce new spices or venture entirely away from the ubiquitous pinto bean. 

Then again, some restaurants don't know beans. Asking the cook to the hold our leggy friend might be the best addition to the meal. Chile Verde burritos tend to be wet, so adding a heap of sloppy beans may soak through the tortilla leaving a mess in your lap.

In the burrito life there is no nobility to suffering. Whatever bean you choose, be sure it makes you happy.  

Taco Truck Tuesday - Truck Vs Truck

Carne Asada Burrtio From Estilo Jalisco

Al Pastor Burrito From Tacos Jalisco

Two taco trucks take refuse near Pacheco on Union in South Bakersfield: Tacos Jalisco and Estilo Jalisco. Located directly across from each other, these warring brethren go taco for taco every evening. 

At first glance, the competition seems trivial as I approach Tacos Jalisco in full swing with 15 hungry customers waiting patiently outside. I order an al pastor burrito and one asada taco, and my buddy crossed the way to order Asada burritos from Estilo Jalisco. 

In the time I sat waiting for the AP burritos form TJ I could have ordered 16 burritos from EJ, but I'm a patient person willing to wait for good food. To be fair, EJ was not working against a crowd like their mirror match. 

We returned to my buddy's house to assess our bounty in uninterrupted earnest. 

TJ's presentation brings a lot of color instantly activating my salivary glands while EJ's salsas and burrito take on a much milder tone with the tortilla appearing grey by comparison. 

My first bite of the al pastor is filled with flavor, but the next few bites were a little heavy on the cilantro which was packed into a tight green tube running the length of the burrito. Both the green and red salsas brought a good amount of depth, I preferred the red, but not a lot of heat to be found in either option. 

The asada, on the other hand, is well-seasoned, not over, and has the dimensions and weight of a brick. No nonsense to be found, just the basics done well. The salsas here are hotter, but lack the freshness and pop of TJ's salsa. 

If the al pastor is a sports car with all its flash and show, the asada is an old beater you can always depend on to get you from a to b. 

There are better places for both burritos in Bakersfield, but I have to give the overall win to Taco Jalisco's al pastor burrito. Its fresh ingredients and flavorful salsas went a long way towards securing victory. EJ's asada is a good solid effort, but in a town only a few hours from Mexico good asada isn't in short supply.

That said, after having TJ's asada taco, maybe they should cross the street and ask their neighbors for help. With the impressive quality of the al pastor and salsa the shallow tongue-numbing flavor in their steak was appalling. 

Super Tom's

The parallels between Super Tom’s breakfast burrito and Oildale, CA are many and deep.

For those of you not familiar with the Kern county landscape Oildale is a microcosm of trailer parks, dirt bikes, methamphetamine, and minimalist fashion statements such as bare feet and spiderweb tattoos. You know, stuff white people like. 

Super Tom’s is located at one of Oildale’s hellmouths beyond the Chester bridge at Roberts Lane, and offers standard diner fare including the ever-present BB. 

Much like Oildale, Tom’s BB is lacking in taste. Potatoes possibly just pulled from boiling water. Cheddar cheese, eggs, sausage, and a pico de gallo mix all make appearances, but lack any memorable or particularly exciting characteristics. 

No egregious errors in flavor, but it is pretty hard to mess up something that’s not there.

Lots of burritos turn out this way and are served all over the place. They are adequate in a pinch, and satisfy some people’s need for a tortilla aggregated breakfast. However, just because lots of people do it and it works doesn’t mean you should. Much like not wearing shoes.

Super Tom’s breakfast burrito is the bare feet of breakfast. 

FAFU FRIDAY!!!

Every Friday I review a chain restaurant to incorporate more of the readership into all of the burrito fun. 

Deep in the pits of Oildale, California on Airport Drive is Kern county's own Fabulous Burgers. Laying claim to the worst location for a restaurant ever they are known to live up to their name, but I'm not here for burgers.

Standard options for breakfast burritos are on the menu, but the bbq pulled pork breakfast burrito was quick to seduce me. 

Fab was out of salsa or hot sauce, I'm not sure which, so I was left to the burrito with no backup.

My first impression was favorable to the sweet and salty combination of the pork and bbq sauce, but my second impression was met with under-cooked hash browns and a 5 egg omelette. The burrito is so big it is hard to collect all of the ingredients into one bite. With lackluster sides to the above average pulled pork this burrito falls flat. 

I set it down for a moment to collect myself before attempting a second assault only to see my hand completely wet and shiny. After toweling my hand I raised the hefty porker to see it had an accident. 

...and I'm done. No, thank you. If the burrito is incontinent, what is it going to do to me?

No need to try the other options. Good meat or bad, the rest of the burrito is sub-par. Stick to what you know, Fabulous Burgers, and leave the burritos to those who care. 

El Efectivo

Once again, I'm driving down Union in South Bakersfield looking for my burrito fix. There's rumors of amazing taco trucks in these parts, and there is no shortage of burrito burrows. Problem is taco trucks come out at night around here, and it is lunch time. 

I'm almost to the edge of town, a little past Pacheco, when I see an odd restaurant sign named unlike any other Mexican restaurant I've encountered: El Efectivo.

A literal hole in the wall, El Efectivo is in a rough patch. There's a lady digging with a stick through a newly-opened Goodwill donation bin, and a tattooed shirtless man built much like a triangle working on his bicycle in the lot out front. It took a small act of bravery to approach the window. 

I was greeted by the apotheosis of an abuelita. Standing eye level to the counter, the sweet lady took my order, and I took my seat under the tarp covering the chairs, tables, and booths on the side of the building. 

And then I waited...

10 minutes passed. 15 minutes. Finally, 20 minutes later, after seeing plate after beautiful plate served to the surrounding tables, I was called to the window and handed a paper bag capable of holding a meal for a small family and a half-liter of Coke. 

Like a kid on Christmas, I opened the bag and started pulling out all of the presents prepared just for me.

Cucumbers and lemons, marinated onions and jalapenos, two salsas, my two tacos (carnitas and al pastor), and my hefty carne asada burrito. 

I almost cried. 

The first bite into the asada burrito cast a spell that the carnitas only intensified. I was laughing and biting and laughing and chewing. Hysterical with my find, I attempted to eat everything pictured.

The carnitas have the perfect braise outside while maintaining delicious tenderness and the carne asada is over-cooked intentionally, reminiscent of a San Diego style burrito. Small pieces of steak in abundance with tons of flavor did not disappoint. 

El Efectivo lives up to its name serving up some of the most authentic Mexican cuisine I've come across. On the short list of best Mexican food in Bakersfield, El Efectivo is a welcome addition my top Bakersfield recommendations. 

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"Write Now Wednesdays" is the day I take time to explain facets of Burrito Life or expand opinions touched upon in previous articles. 

I’ve been thinking a lot about breakfast burritos. What is the secret combination? Does everything on the burrito have to be prepared just right? Is there a unifying goodness that everybody can appreciate? Hash browns or country potatoes? 

Unlike most burritos, it seems there are so many ways to go wrong in a BB. Slimy scrambled eggs could over saturate the potatoes and ruin the bite. Hash browns aren’t cooked-through, so raw potato flavor masks any good inside the burrito. Or the biggest offender: grease pouring out of the meat and soaking the entire tortilla.

The chemistry is daunting. It is no wonder fast food restaurants can skate by with mediocre baby burritos and dime store hot sauce. 

I imagine my perfect breakfast burrito would start with country potatoes. Not only are they easier to prepare, in theory, but the atmosphere inside a tortilla gets pretty humid. The body of a well done potato holds up as opposed to the suspect crunchiness in hash browns. 

Scrambled eggs are better cooked down for similar reasons. Get as much moisture out of the eggs before wrapping them in the tortilla to avoid a big wet bite. This also allows for better inclusion of other ingredients because real estate is not being relegated to a small omelette. 

Cheese and pico de gallo are things better left to burritos later in the day. Most places that put PDG in their burritos shouldn’t have, and the few that know what they are doing are only gilding the lily. 

That said, a spicy red hot sauce goes a long way in cleaning up any burrito. With the right salsa, anything is possible. 

On the regular, I choose sausage as my meat of choice in a breakfast burrito, but that is only because most places don’t offer a hot link burrito, Hot link sausage is low on grease and high on flavor; something lacking in almost every other breakfast meat.

Sausage, in general, is the great equalizer between flimsy grease slabs of ham and tiny sharp bacon crumbles that do more to remind you of what bacon tastes like rather than satisfy any bacon cravings. Even cheap store-bought sausage can be chopped up and make great burritos with enough love. 

What’s your opinion? What is an ideal breakfast burrito to you?