Panda Gordo - Bakersfield, CA

One of my favorite people to take out on the town is myself. I'll put on something nice, pick a direction, and head that way ready for whatever the world has for me. This particular Saturday night was all about Niles on the East Side. 

Growing up Niles was the cruising street where everyone would gather their tricked out cars and drive 15mph past the burger joints, arcades, bars, and food shops blasting music. Nowadays that aspect is all but gone, but the neighborhood is dotted with taco trucks, food carts, and 24 hour taquerias for the bleary-eyed late night traveler.

On my way to treat myself I passed a truck set up on Mt. Vernon just before Niles with a sign displaying a chubby bespectacled nerdy fellow squaring off with Kung Fu Panda bordered with color cycling neon LED lights. It was then I knew I was in for a good night. 

I decided to start simple with an Asada burrito, but the they threw in an arrachera taco as a free sample. Never having arrachera before I am pleased to say it was wonderful. So tender it fell apart in my mouth and seasoned much like the asada. Arrachera style utilizes the same cuts of meat as asada, but the meat is tenderized and then marinated to remove any toughness while imbuing tons of flavor. 

The burrito wrap was a handmade tortilla thick and fluffy almost like a gordita with a nice golden brown coloring. It gave a great chew to coincide with the chunky thick-cut steak. Lots of melted cheese mixed with the refried beans and rice, and yet the whole thing somehow felt light and airy as I munched down. 

The night continued with tacos from a handful of trucks as I made my way down Niles. Scratch-made, hand-sized beauties from Lonches Marlene, and freshly sliced off the spit al pastor tacos from the outside grills of Tacolandia. 

I returned home fatter and happier than I had left strengthening the bonds with who I am and what I love. Don't forget to love yourself, and what better way to say "I love you" than with good food. 

King Taco, Los Angeles

Let's get one thing clear before I divulge my experiences with King Taco. They make a good taco for a good price, and I could eat 10 of them. They pile on the asada, there's good spicy red salsa, and the onions and cilantro deliver as one would expect from a quality Taqueria.

Now, if I really wanted 10 tacos, would I be willing to put up with the overall experience of ordering at King Taco? Hmm...

I guess that's a long line...

When I arrived there was a bit of a line. Maybe 15 people were ahead of me, not Pink's level, but enough to assume the place is doing something right. The tables all seemed to be filled with patrons not eating but waiting to receive their orders while only two of the three registers available were taking orders.

All told D and I were in line for close to 30 minutes until we were allowed to order some tacos, a nacho, and an al pastor burrito because their huge pork spit was seducing me with its slow turns. Another 15 minutes before our food is called out, and I am able to survey this chronophagic assemblage.

The first thing I notice is how small this burrito I just paid $6 for is, and I'm cautiously optimistic in hoping they aren't skimping on ingredients so -- blah blah balh big things in small packages blah blah -- nope, none of that.

I thought it may have been overly-cooked onions mixed with the raw or possibly heavy use of cilantro, but something was definitely off in the al pastor flavor department. Nothing blends in the burrito, so every bite is an unpleasant hodgepodge of mediocre ingredients.

The nachos took me back to high school lunch lines with the chips being poured out of a 5 pound bag into a bin with Chernobyl yellow cheese sauce pumped out on top. Hardly the stuff of kings, but one may be fooled by the $5 chips and cheese price tag.

I'm almost certain my high school wasn't staffed with above-average, volunteer, teenage food service workers, so I can't imagine why it took them so long to assemble this meal. Perhaps what is even more vexing is why anyone would wait around for this quality of food when Los Angeles hosts more Mexican food restaurants and taco trucks than any other place in the US.

Over-priced food, under-whelming flavors, and thoroughly disappointing wait times leaves me shaking rather than bowing my head to King Taco.