A Fail In Glendale

Last weekend, the LA clouds wept for my departure. Under sobbing skies, I passed through Glendale in an attempt to check off yet another burrito on the LAist top 10 BB's at Taqueria El Tapatio. I arrived a little before 9:30am, and, due to my lack of investigation, was greeted by locked doors. One does not eat the best breakfast burrito until 10am, so I waited.

When the gates opened, I was the first to order.

"I'm sorry, but we just opened. Do you mind waiting 15 minutes while we get everything ready?"

"Not a problem. I'll take the breakfast burrito and one of the cheese tacos." (yelp reviews raved about the tacos, too)

Cash only, so I happily gave the lady my last $6 in cash. I sat down and was given some chips and salsa to chomp on while I waited. Chips were hot and fresh out of fryer with decent cups of two different types of salsa that I may have had a hard time discerning if I were blindfolded.

A man down on his luck was sweeping the outdoor dining area and blasting "All She Wants To Do Is Dance" while all I wanted to do was eat. The sweet 80's bangers swirled around my head for the better part of an hour before I lost hope.

The vibe was all wrong. All of the patrons were restless, including myself. I could not imagine the best breakfast burrito in Glendale slipping out of that window, so I told them to keep the money for the chips and drink.

Maybe it was the sadness of leaving LA, the overcast day, or the grumpiness associated with a man of my stature not eating, but I had to leave. A quick search brought me to another well reviewed establishment only to be greeted by yet another "Cash Only" sign.

You win, Glendale, but I shall return - WITH CASH!

El Sitio - Ventura, CA

Nuzzled in snugly to Django's Coffee House in Ventura, CA is a small, unassuming delight. My guide on this adventure raves about the al pastor, so we decide to split a burrito and load up on salsas. 

Being our third burrito of the day, one may question the voracity of our appetites, but rest-assured the allure of marinated pork swaddled in a thick chewy tortilla can coax a growl out of the fullest of stomachs. 

Succulent and tender bits of pork were buried deep in a fiery spectrum of rice, beans, and spices. A welcome counterpoint to the airy cuts of shark and substantial chunks of steak. Lesser spots may try to skirt by on the same pork used for the carnitas only to dress up the differences between al pastor and chile verde as the sauce one uses, but this pork had the char of slow braising after being massaged with spices to differentiate from such imposters.

The salsas were fresh and effective, but I fancied the orange habanero most for its complexity and heat.

By far the most out of the way spot located in a quiet neighborhood in the more suburban part of Ventura, but well worth a stop to round out the day. 

Three more remain as we prepare for the return of Chris the Sound Guy and his episode showcasing the burrito adventure in its full splendor. 

Huckleberry - Santa Monica

Huckleberry is an upscale bakery and cafe located back in my old partying grounds of Santa Monica, but being the struggling musician with a taste for dangerous consumables that I was I would have never had the funds to finance such an excursion.

But here I am, a fairly-compensated member of the working class and the threat of a $13 breakfast burrito only pisses me off as I produce the twenty from my wallet. All told I spent $18 when I added the bottle of coke to the mix, and I can't imagine what a burrito would have to do for me to justify this expenditure on the regular.

A grill-pressed burrito, handful of freshly fried chips, cup of salsa, and a cup of sour cream (for dipping?) are arranged nicely for dramatic photo opportunities. Rich golden browns and vibrant greens are the first hints towards the caliber of burrito I am bearing witness to, but my first bite is betrayed by a lack of texture diversity.

The flavor is here. Fresh avocados with well-seasoned potatoes and fluffy organic omelette-style eggs contribute to terrific breakfast goodness, but the almost complete lack of Niman Ranch nitrate-free bacon, which I paid $1 extra for, creates an overall mushy mouth feel. By the end of the burrito the flavors had all blended together. I ended up holding the burrito like a dip container and used the remaining chips' saltiness to help break up the monotony of rich flavors.

I'm not entirely sure if I was just unlucky, but the bacon present was akin to bacon bits and not the roughly chopped strips I am used to. What price point allows for 2 strips of bacon? Do I want to know?

I left Huckleberry a little richer with knowledge and a little poorer with money. $6 at Lucy's or Lucky Boy can buy the Robin Hood of burritos to steal Huckleberry's lunch money and redistribute it to the more efficient, so unless you hate money don't waste your time on this one.

Panda Gordo - Bakersfield, CA

One of my favorite people to take out on the town is myself. I'll put on something nice, pick a direction, and head that way ready for whatever the world has for me. This particular Saturday night was all about Niles on the East Side. 

Growing up Niles was the cruising street where everyone would gather their tricked out cars and drive 15mph past the burger joints, arcades, bars, and food shops blasting music. Nowadays that aspect is all but gone, but the neighborhood is dotted with taco trucks, food carts, and 24 hour taquerias for the bleary-eyed late night traveler.

On my way to treat myself I passed a truck set up on Mt. Vernon just before Niles with a sign displaying a chubby bespectacled nerdy fellow squaring off with Kung Fu Panda bordered with color cycling neon LED lights. It was then I knew I was in for a good night. 

I decided to start simple with an Asada burrito, but the they threw in an arrachera taco as a free sample. Never having arrachera before I am pleased to say it was wonderful. So tender it fell apart in my mouth and seasoned much like the asada. Arrachera style utilizes the same cuts of meat as asada, but the meat is tenderized and then marinated to remove any toughness while imbuing tons of flavor. 

The burrito wrap was a handmade tortilla thick and fluffy almost like a gordita with a nice golden brown coloring. It gave a great chew to coincide with the chunky thick-cut steak. Lots of melted cheese mixed with the refried beans and rice, and yet the whole thing somehow felt light and airy as I munched down. 

The night continued with tacos from a handful of trucks as I made my way down Niles. Scratch-made, hand-sized beauties from Lonches Marlene, and freshly sliced off the spit al pastor tacos from the outside grills of Tacolandia. 

I returned home fatter and happier than I had left strengthening the bonds with who I am and what I love. Don't forget to love yourself, and what better way to say "I love you" than with good food. 

Any Suggestions?

I would like to begin by saying thank you to everyone who has liked, reblogged, subscribed, or even took the time out to read this collection of burrito reviews. Your support and suggestions make this a rewarding endeavor more so than I ever expected.

So far I have created a twitter, tumblr, and blogspot for Burrito Life, but I would like to continue expanding and offering more for the readership. Would more visual content with burrito-themed posts to pad out the days in between reviews be helpful/fun? I want to keep the focus of this blog on burrito reviews, but if I can make the site more interesting with a diverse array of supplemental content, then let me know.

The question I am most often asked, "what's the best burrito?" is a tough one given the subjectivity in tastes not to mention the complex creations that are burritos. My question to you, reader, is what kind of lists would you like to see? Top asada, best breakfast burritos, spiciest chile verde and other lists documenting the best I've found in each category could be made, and clear links then added to the homepage.

Speaking of a homepage, I am thinking about creating a source webpage that seeds the tumblr, blog, and twitter. This way tumblr feeds are no longer filled with huge blocks of text, and the media isn't so diluted across the different social networks. If you are interested in finishing the article, simply click the read more.

This would also allow me to provide more tools to you in which to search the blog. I'd like suggestions on what kinds of links you'd like to see on the page. I'm thinking an FAQ and reviews by location are of the utmost importance, but any ideas as to what I could add?

T shirts are in the concept stage, but I want to make something nice. Once the art is nailed down I will start shopping around for the manufacturer.

Once again, thank you so very much. The people I've met and conversations I've had because of this blog make it more than worth it. You guys are truly amazing, and I'm glad to share my burrito experiences with you. Please comment, message, or shoot me an ask for all suggestions.

Sincerly,
Jimmy Holliday aka BurritoShepherd

Taco Truck Tuesday - Taqueria Tacambaro

After compiling a list of every taco truck I could find in the Kern county area my first stop was a little hidden truck on Olive Drive in a gas station parking lot called Taqueria Tacambaro. Promising handmade torillas and sporting a healthy amount of patrons gathered under the adjacent tent I had a good feeling about this one.

Most everyone there was eating nachos. Huge piles of chips covered with every ingredient that has ever graced a nacho looked glorious, but this is not Nacho Life.

I order the Asada burito for simplicity's sake, and wait a healthy amount of time for my burrito to be prepared. Whenever it comes out quickly in a one-man taco truck outfit BEWARE!

A clean brick of a burrito is served neatly with a lemon wedge and salsa cup, and my mouth is beginning to water.

Ain't nothing wrong with my first bite, so it has to be right. The steak carries the burrito as it should with a supporting cast of beans, rice, lettuce, cheese, and sour cream. It's exceptionally satisfying and more than enough food to satiate the hungriest of us.

It may seem a bit expensive with the $7 price tag, but with handmade tortillas and quality ingredients I cannot complain. If charging an extra dollar nets quality gains as opposed to the majority of haphazard slapdashery that passes for burritos, then I will gladly pay $2. Too often have I been burned by the promises of a $10 restaurant burrito.

Please excuse me, I think I hear nachos calling my name.

King Taco, Los Angeles

Let's get one thing clear before I divulge my experiences with King Taco. They make a good taco for a good price, and I could eat 10 of them. They pile on the asada, there's good spicy red salsa, and the onions and cilantro deliver as one would expect from a quality Taqueria.

Now, if I really wanted 10 tacos, would I be willing to put up with the overall experience of ordering at King Taco? Hmm...

I guess that's a long line...

When I arrived there was a bit of a line. Maybe 15 people were ahead of me, not Pink's level, but enough to assume the place is doing something right. The tables all seemed to be filled with patrons not eating but waiting to receive their orders while only two of the three registers available were taking orders.

All told D and I were in line for close to 30 minutes until we were allowed to order some tacos, a nacho, and an al pastor burrito because their huge pork spit was seducing me with its slow turns. Another 15 minutes before our food is called out, and I am able to survey this chronophagic assemblage.

The first thing I notice is how small this burrito I just paid $6 for is, and I'm cautiously optimistic in hoping they aren't skimping on ingredients so -- blah blah balh big things in small packages blah blah -- nope, none of that.

I thought it may have been overly-cooked onions mixed with the raw or possibly heavy use of cilantro, but something was definitely off in the al pastor flavor department. Nothing blends in the burrito, so every bite is an unpleasant hodgepodge of mediocre ingredients.

The nachos took me back to high school lunch lines with the chips being poured out of a 5 pound bag into a bin with Chernobyl yellow cheese sauce pumped out on top. Hardly the stuff of kings, but one may be fooled by the $5 chips and cheese price tag.

I'm almost certain my high school wasn't staffed with above-average, volunteer, teenage food service workers, so I can't imagine why it took them so long to assemble this meal. Perhaps what is even more vexing is why anyone would wait around for this quality of food when Los Angeles hosts more Mexican food restaurants and taco trucks than any other place in the US.

Over-priced food, under-whelming flavors, and thoroughly disappointing wait times leaves me shaking rather than bowing my head to King Taco.

Doctor Strangebreakfast: or how I learned to stop worrying and love poverty (Part 2)

¡Escribe Ahora!

"Write Now Wednesdays" is the day I take time to explain facets of Burrito Life or expand opinions touched upon in previous articles. This week we present the conclusion to last week's story by guest contributor, Devon Ashby.

These tortilla-wrapped masterpieces typically contained cheese – Havarti was a favorite when affordable, but shredded cheddar was my fallback. If it was really a hard-up week, different wet ingredients were substituted for the cheese (or added, just for the hell of it). Chorizo was my standby meat ingredient — beef, pork, cured and uncured – but bacon, diced ham, sausage in its many glorious forms, and even soyrizo all made appearances. The Beverly Discount Market at the end of our block routinely stocked 6-count bags of fresh tortillas, delivered from a bakery just a few streets up, so all I had to do when I ran out of wrappers was put on my shoes and walk to the corner. Other rotating guest stars included black beans, red beans, garlic cloves, fresh cilantro, avocado, rice of many colors and textures, grilled peppers, fresh and stewed tomatoes, and an impressive array of hot sauces and salsas.
 
To this day, breakfast burritos are an important signifier for me, and they’re special for a couple different reasons. I didn’t have a car and there was never enough money for gas anyway, so the frequent need to replenish my stash of ingredients forced me to actually leave my house and explore my own neighborhood. I was living right outside Koreatown in Los Angeles, an area dominated by Guatemalan and Salvadorean small businesses. By going out on foot so many times looking for shredded cheddar or chorizo, I realized that my neighborhood was a fucking goldmine – not just of fresh tortillas, chicharonnes and Guatemalan pastries, but of huge, gorgeous painted mural art. I spent whole afternoons just hoofing up and down the street, gawking at DIY signage for various toy stores, religious icon emporiums, electronic repair shops, and carnicerias, and occasionally wandering inside to examine stacks of 30 year old video game cartridges or mirrored, glass-protected displays of false teeth.

A tortilla stuffed with cheese, meat, and vegetables isn’t the healthiest food on the planet, or the most technically sophisticated. But the cheapness, availability, and raw creative potential of my ingredients usually added up to a pretty happy medium between flavor, nutrition, and affordability. This was the first time in my life I had to make choices about how to manage my resources and take care of myself, and coming home to a meal cooked in 10 minutes that flooded my tastebuds with ecstasy, contained fresh vegetables, and could be held with one hand while watching Jeopardy was one of the few recurring experiences in my life that made me feel I might actually be capable of someday getting my shit together.
 
Most importantly, without fully realizing what was happening, I had the chance to get really good at something, just by doing it over and over again, while still leaving myself some room to play around and experiment. This is probably the most important skill set I’ve ever learned, and the rest of my life’s formative experiences have pretty much just been variations on that same theme over and over again. Breakfast burritos taught me how to be an artist, and how to be an adult. I salute them.

Lucky Boy Drive-In

There's a soft spot in my heart for Pasadena. It feels like a greener, more metropolitan version of my town while maintaining a minimum of traffic and insincerity seemingly more common to other parts of Los Angeles.

Dat Bacon!

Lucky Boy Drive-In closes at 2am with only 4 hours of downtime before starting back up with their amazing breakfast burritos. These breakfast behemoths are packed with delicious thick cuts of dark brown crispy bacon, and the whole sausage links create a structural integrity not unlike rebar. Hash browns, cheddar cheese, and fluffy eggs assembled like the cook might have made this burrito a million times leaves only the cups of fresh spicy salsa to pour on at your discretion.

There was no way I could finish the burrito, but not for lack of trying. The only disappointment was in myself. Why can I not get all of this in my stomach?

It was so good I went back the next afternoon for a pastrami sandwich. Not for any other reason than I love a good pastrami, and I'm on a constant search for one to beat my all-time favorite here back in Bakersfield. I'm happy to report they don't only make amazing breakfast burritos because this was on point.

Lucky Boy is one in a long line of traditional diners. It can be greasy. It is definitely not healthy, but these flavors and techniques are the backbone of American comfort food.

Chips & Salsa

There's nothing sadder than a cook who thinks he's a chef.

When I sat down to order the Giant Burrito with steak I did not expect the cook to put on a show with the garnish. Two (steamed? boiled?) whole green onions were curled up like a crime scene on top with some sort of red onion minced concoction piled beside it. The acrid smell wafting up from the burrito smelled not unlike a gym bag soaked in bath water.

Lesser reviewers may have given up right here, but I pushed the accoutrements aside to delve in to what looks like, by the inside, a meal with promise.

The steak is perhaps a bit over-cooked and the rice is under-seasoned, but the over-all combination is decent. The onions have impregnated the tortilla, thus my hands, with their stench, but I persevere heaping on the salsa and trying to lose myself inside the burrito where the smell has yet to reach.

Dispersing the ingredients evenly is not one of their strong suits as I am frequently met with gobs of sour cream and bushels of lettuce chiffonade.

The beer is cold and the waitress has a nice smile, but I can't get beyond those damn green onions. Did you lose your sense of smell in a grease fire?

One final note, the chips were of the red and yellow variety and the salsa was more akin to a bland soup. For a place that took the name "Chips & Salsa" one would think they may try and shine in that area. Maybe the time they devote to stewing onions for the garnish they could learn how to fry up some tortillas and make more than one salsa for dipping, but I digress.

At least there's beer. If you drink enough of it, you can probably ignore their shortcomings.

Los Cuñados

If there ain't a spit, their al pastor ain't shit.

Alright, good.

My buddy, Hector, tells me there's a spot on Chester near Ming in Bakersfield that sells out constantly, and they are only open for dinner and the drunks. Sounds exactly like the spot I need to get my burrito fix.

Los Cuñados is parked in front of one of those shady rent-to-own outfits in a bedraggled asphalt lot with pot holes and evil on display. The bright halogen lights and neon signs act as a beacon in the night, ferrying wayward souls towards burrito salvation.

For most of my life, I have never been excited by al pastor. I thought of it as a funky carnitas substitute because I didn't know, nor had I had, better. Then D took me to Tacos Leo in Los Angeles, and the whole world of Middle-East meets Southwest opened up for me.

Al pastor directly translates to "shepherd-style" referring to the shawarma technique brought over by Lebanese immigrants. Shawarma involves spit-grilling meats and slicing off the outer-layers to fill your vessel of choice.

The guys manning the truck hooked it up fat with a super tasty burrito. There is a good amount of chilis and spices used on the meat, but not over-powering like I'm chewing on a chili mango sucker. I heavily employed both the red and green salsas not for lack of flavor but because both are so good. Other fixings like lemons, carrots, onions, and radishes are also available.

I'm not sure I needed another reason to drink then eat burritos, but I'll take it. If you are looking for authentic al pastor in Bakersfield, you'd be hard-pressed to find a better spot.

Secret Spot

Behind a gas station in a strip mall on the waterfront in Huntington Beach is a vegan beach bum heaven known as Secret Spot. "Kind Grub" is on the sign, and the atmosphere is artsy with paintings for sale all over the small dining room walls. 

There are at least 5 different breakfast burritos offering a variety of vegetables and meat substitutes. I chose the #4 which has potatoes, avocado, eggs, cheese, salsa, and soyrizo for my meat (black forest ham and vegi turkey are also available). I'm a big fan of soyrizo, and if I ever take the vegi plunge, soyrizo will become a mainstay in my diet. 

Perhaps it was the salty air or the sleepyheaded cook and cashier, but the first word that came to mind upon biting was "dank." This burrito is filled to capacity with big chunks of avocado adding a mellow counterpoint to the big spices of the soyrizo. 

The potatoes gave a much appreciated boost to the body of the burrito complemented yet again by the hearty avocados. 

No compromises are made in flavor due to the lack of meat, and I imagine most people would find it hard distinguishing good soyrizo from chorizo. 

Minor gripe to the burrito coming out to almost $9, and the chips and soupy salsa tasting like despair. One of the most expensive breakfast burritos I've ever had because eating "cruelty-free" gets expensive. 

They have less expensive basic breakfast burritos, but the more complex flavors are what separates and elevates Secret Spot to a worthy stop next time I'm having a day at the beach. 

Taco Truck Tuesday - Truck Vs Truck

Carne Asada Burrtio From Estilo Jalisco

Al Pastor Burrito From Tacos Jalisco

Two taco trucks take refuse near Pacheco on Union in South Bakersfield: Tacos Jalisco and Estilo Jalisco. Located directly across from each other, these warring brethren go taco for taco every evening. 

At first glance, the competition seems trivial as I approach Tacos Jalisco in full swing with 15 hungry customers waiting patiently outside. I order an al pastor burrito and one asada taco, and my buddy crossed the way to order Asada burritos from Estilo Jalisco. 

In the time I sat waiting for the AP burritos form TJ I could have ordered 16 burritos from EJ, but I'm a patient person willing to wait for good food. To be fair, EJ was not working against a crowd like their mirror match. 

We returned to my buddy's house to assess our bounty in uninterrupted earnest. 

TJ's presentation brings a lot of color instantly activating my salivary glands while EJ's salsas and burrito take on a much milder tone with the tortilla appearing grey by comparison. 

My first bite of the al pastor is filled with flavor, but the next few bites were a little heavy on the cilantro which was packed into a tight green tube running the length of the burrito. Both the green and red salsas brought a good amount of depth, I preferred the red, but not a lot of heat to be found in either option. 

The asada, on the other hand, is well-seasoned, not over, and has the dimensions and weight of a brick. No nonsense to be found, just the basics done well. The salsas here are hotter, but lack the freshness and pop of TJ's salsa. 

If the al pastor is a sports car with all its flash and show, the asada is an old beater you can always depend on to get you from a to b. 

There are better places for both burritos in Bakersfield, but I have to give the overall win to Taco Jalisco's al pastor burrito. Its fresh ingredients and flavorful salsas went a long way towards securing victory. EJ's asada is a good solid effort, but in a town only a few hours from Mexico good asada isn't in short supply.

That said, after having TJ's asada taco, maybe they should cross the street and ask their neighbors for help. With the impressive quality of the al pastor and salsa the shallow tongue-numbing flavor in their steak was appalling.